Confessions of a Mommy-aged Drama Queen

Today:
-Wake up early to pick up 2 girls I will be baby-sitting for the day
-Pack Mikayla in the car as well so the little girls feel more comfortable being around a stranger.
-Realize that one of the two is horribly sick, stare in horror as a sneeze leaves two giant snot trails going from the nose to her mid chest. Grimace and gag as I clean her up.
-Stare again in even more horror, as my own child vomits after witnessing said sneeze (she has been blessed with not only a gag reflex but one that actually makes her puke). In the car seat.
-Bring the girls home, realize that my home is not safe for a child that runs around jumping from one activity to the next to the next in 15 minutes and exhausts all my ideas for the day before the first hour is up.
-Leave my handsome man, Rowan and handsome hubby, Randy home and attempt the zoo with not one, not two, but three little girls. Two of whom are independent as all get out with a tendency to RUN.
-Trek it through the zoo, in jeans, thinking "oh my gosh, what am I doing? why do I baby-sit other people's kids? why did I wear jeans? If I keep them here long enough will they just sleep the rest of the day? ugh I do NOT want to go into the sorry excuse for a petting zoo. Where is my hand sanitizer? Exactly how much snot can one kid make? If I spray my house down with bleach will I still catch whatever she has? Again, why jeans? I'm not scared to show my ghostly legs albeit they are a little chicken-y.No one cares right?Oh, more snot... more sanitizer. Why do I always want soda?"
-Horror again as my daughter is slugged by another little girl. And the slug is immediately returned, fair and square I guess. I don't say anything. Mik gets beat up way to often and I figure one good punch for another is OK. This time. Especially given these particular circumstances. Alright I admit it, I was cheering her on. On the inside.
-Attempt to leave the zoo. For the twenty minutes it takes for me to find exit Mikayla screams. Loudly. The kind that make people stare to see just what kind of mother it is that is beating her child. Save it for Wal-Mart right?
-Realize that I am being followed by zoo security. Continue the trek to my car. Notice two unusually well dressed men near my car. With a black plastic tool case. My car door is ever so slightly ajar. UGH. I guess if you want cheerios and poopy diapers my car usually has one of the two but not much else. Notice more zoo security. Wheww... because I am being stared at by the men the ENTIRE time I pack all the children in the car. Oh, one kid threw the door open and marked up the car next to mine. Nice.
-Leave. Followed by cops. WHAT is going on? At this point I am convinced that they think I stole my own child and that they have a kidnapping on their hands. It was that bad. After three miles they left me alone. Mikayla was still screaming. All. The. Way. Home. "Mommy, I don't want to leave!" I was just positive people heard " I don't want to leave mommy! I don't want to leave mommy" and that was why I was followed, circled and scared to death by security and the metro police. I still haven't figured it out. And the men were weird- suits, Italian leather shoes (I made the Italian part up) and entirely out of place given we were at a ZOO not a boardroom. And WHY was my car door pulled open? CREEPY!
-Remember to use my blinkers, go five under the speed limit, and pray. I don't want to get pulled over. I don't know where the registration is or the updated insurance card...
-Arrive home. Two cranky four year olds, one incredibly amiable one year old, and myself all enter the house amidst a downpour. Electricity does go out. I am seriously wanting to plant all of the kids in front of the t.v. I never said I was a good baby-sitter did I?
-Desperately try to fill three hours. Did you know it only takes 15 minutes to make banana bread, even when I let two kids do their own individual bowls? Or that a movie can be re-started 25 + times and still not take up more than 20 minutes (curses on the dvd player that kids are almost understanding how to operate.) Painting- 15 minutes, dress up-0 minutes... wow.
-oh, well, the piano did get a beating. That lasted for the longest 20 minutes of the day. Excruciating.

I like kids. But I officially retire as Beth the Baby-Sitter. Beth's BabySitting Bonanza is officially closed for business. Well, I will still baby-sit the two 13 year old boys because we all know that they pretty much take care of themselves. Except for the one time one of them got arrested on my watch. But that's another drama for another day. And anyone who wants to trade with Randy and I so we can go on a date- but we get to baby sit first so we don't feel guilty for not ever getting to return the favor. I guess I'm not retired then. Just 'mostly.'

PS Yes, a child can make amazing amounts of snot. I have to give it to Mikayla, I think she only threw up twice. Good girl! And Rowan... Man I can just eat him up!! So cute and sweet and laid back (Just like Daddy!) Despite the day the girls had fun and that's pretty much what matters when all is said and done.

A Cut Above

So for those that do not yet know, which is most of you, Beth has recently enrolled in cosmetology school. I decided it would be nice to let the cat out of the bag now that she has finished her first 100 hours.

At her 100 hour mark Beth decided to tread into deep water. Her sister Ilana and her husband Nick are visiting and Ilana was somewhat lovingly coerced into becoming Beth's first human cut (we don't count mannequins as official haircuts because they can't get a horrified look on their face when they hear the stylist say "Oops!"). I am proud to say that my wife did a great job, despite the pressure of Nick and me sitting back with a bag of popcorn and a camera awaiting a tragedy.

Without any further ado, I present Beth's first haircut:

Before



During





After



Innocent Bystander