I have a confession...

Cussin' swearin' potty mouthin'.... It's all the same. I used to be like a sailor. For real. I did learn from the best (sorry... you know who you are so I won't force you into a confession) Back in the 9th grade I had a mouth. And then one day someone mentioned that they had no idea I was Mormon because I swore so much.

OUCH!

So, I quit. It was pretty easy. At first I just found substitute words. Freakin', shoot, darn, sheisty, golly gee willikers, ink pink that stinks (a boyfriend came up with that one and I still think it's weird) Whatever. They were all dumb I am sure. Then I decided that substitutions were just as bad as the real words. I then felt the need to learn how to express my feelings without any four letter words whether they were swears or not! (I wish I could say that is when I started talking to much, but it has always been a problem....)

I think I succeeded. I made a seriously valiant effort to forgo poor language. My Dad did it once so I figured I could. That's right everybody. Farmer Dale once had the same problem and he solved it by offering his children two dollars each for every bad word that came out of his mouth- if we could catch him. Six kids and very few words later the problem was solved. I must add- to this day my Dad will still fork over two dollars for cussing. And I have shamelessly capitalized on this over the years. I haven't earned much but every now and then I get lucky. (Sorry Dad... your secret is out but you don't read this so I might be ok) Did I mention that I was the reason that he started that? He heard me, at the tender age of 5, tell my sister she was 'something special.' Of course he followed with, "Where did you hear that?" And the rest is history.

So, I cleaned up.

And then I had kids.

Just kidding. Well, I did have kids but they don't make me swear. Want to run my head into the wall, stare in exasperation, or cry in pure frustration- Yes. Swearing-No.

BUT... running my car into a pole in the absolute most ghetto parking garage in Nashville will make me swear.

Ugh. I am so disgusted with myself. I do remember the last two times I swore- I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with Rowan, tripped on an ant hill in three inch heels (I know-gooooober)and fell very hard onto the cement driveway slamming my whole body and baby onto my wrist. Yes it hurt. Apparently enough to make me swear at my beloved husband who does NOT swear. Ever. Maybe once. MAYBE.

And the time before that I stubbed my toe in high school and a bad word popped out of my mouth. I was crying... my mom was trying to calm me down and really just could not understand why I was bawling over a bummer toe. She laughed when I explained that I was upset because I swore, not because of my toe.

And I am sure someone who has lived with me in the past might think of one. Or two. But I can't remember, so keep it to yourself please.

Just when I think I have cleaned up my act, I surprise myself. I said it without even thinking. And HELLO? How does one hit a pole? It wasn't like it blended into the background or anything. It was bright white in the middle of the way. Speaking of...

Let's talk about this parking garage. I had to honk my horn going down the ramps because I shared the driveway with cars coming in the opposite direction (as in ONLY one lane) the elevator had buffed out swears (of course) and the whole placed looked like it was going to cave in. And it didn't really have an entrance, I had to drive over a curb to get in it, and only about 10 cars could fit on each level. On some levels only 4 cars could fit. All to save 8 bucks. That's right. All this for 8 bucks. And a hair show. But that's another story.

And He Speaks

Tonight we sat down and mapped out Rowan's vocabulary... I'm thinking he is pretty smart (naturally- whose kids aren't?) and I know every day I get absolutely giddy when something new pops out of his mouth. I don't know if I have ever mentioned this before, but Rowan can mimic really well. If I say "grandpa" it is immediately countered with Rowan's version "gampa" or something similar. Given this ability it's been kind of hard to nail down words he uses in speech regularly versus the sounds that he imitates all to well.

We are pretty sure these are regulars as they appear multiple times on any given day:

Mine (one of the first)
Happy- 'appppyyyy'
Ball
Rowan
Owen (he loves Owen, a cute friend of his, and he definitely knows the difference between the two names)
NO!
OwWWW!
Owwwie! - those aren't too different but oh well!
Hallie- another little friend he loves
Mikayla- very very soft 'k' and followed with 'aya'
Mommy- 'mommm-y' my favorite of course!
Daddy- 'dadddd-y'
Shoes
Up
Please- peeeese
Soup-this one is usually sparked at dinner time when he isn't getting the same food as everyone else... and it must be noted that Row says it with a surprising amount of anger for a 14 month old.
Bye
Hello- he-wo
Yes- yeshh
Uh oh
Yeah-this is the most commonly heard word out of his mouth. We have 'conversations' often just to see how many times he uses the one word response. I think he's practicing to be a teenager.
Wow

And here are fun ones that he says out of habit more or less. He hears them often enough and from all of us so he says them too.

Thank you- tank oooo - he says this to everything, especially when he hands things back to me (usually as I am cleaning up all the tampons he has ripped out of the packages and strewn across the bathroom, bedroom, and hallway; He hands them to me one by one and says "tank ooooo, tank oooo")

Love you- lub ooo This is my other favorite.

What's this- wuts dis We think this is what he is saying. It usually happens when he is staring at an unknown and pointing. So it fits. But I never know for sure.

And more often than not he walks around simply babbling, sometimes coherently, but happy nonetheless.

And as a last note- he is starting to follow directions, can throw away his own diapers when he feels so inclined, and gives hugs spontaneously. I love watching him run across the room to throw himself on his buddy Carter. They both scream with joy, or pain, depending on the moment and then hug each other as hard as they can. That whole 'let's punch each other and get over it' thing starts at birth it seems. Rowan also likes to show me things, can make calls on my cell phone and has discovered a few joys this week, often related to water.

Sunday: Cell phone headed on its way to the toilet. Mommy intercepted.
Monday: Mommy's tennis shoes thrown into bathtub that hadn't finished draining.
Tuesday: Graham crackers dumped into bathtub that also hadn't finished draining. Now bathtub really doesn't drain so well.
Wednesday: Relief
Thursday: Took all of Mommy's makeup and hair junk out of the cabinet and hid them in various parts of the bedroom and bathroom. The tub was indeed used. However, the search still continues. (There was a lot to hide.)
Friday: Relief
Saturday: Found sticking screwdriver into electrical outlets. The covers on the outlets are off because we are prepping to paint...
Sunday: undiscovered mischief at this time, although I am watching him pick up Mikayla's shoes and march into the bathroom with them. Thank goodness the tub is empty.


I guess on Wednesday and Friday he probably hit. A lot. It's a skill he's mastered. Sigh.

Oh... I take it back.

Sunday: He just ripped the exposed phone jack out of the wall. No more blogging today. I must intervene for safety of my son and home.