War- Day 1

Today is the 20th day of the month known as January. It is currently 23 hundred hours. Sergeant Stolle reporting. The following is a debriefing of our first day at the battlefront.

Two lessons were learned today: First, go all out when commencing war. Second, never take your eye off the ball.

This morning Mikayla went to use the restroom and came running back to me saying, "Daddy there's a mouse in the bathroom, there's a mouse in the bathroom." I asked her if it was alive and she put on a look of deep thought.

"Yes, it is alive. It’s stuck in a trap."
"Oh, it’s in a trap? Are you sure it is alive?"
"Hmmm. No. It’s dead."
"Is it stuck in the trap?"
"Hmmm, No."
"Mikayla, is the mouse dead or alive?"
"Well, it’s alive."
"Is it in a trap or not?"
"Well, no."

So, utterly confused as Mikayla looked up at me I decided the mouse must be alive and I decided I was going to kill it. It wouldn't be my first kill. Well, kind of. You see I've bested a few mice by simply setting mouse traps that have done all the work, but I've never been present or held the weapon that finished the mouse off. So this was it. Stolle vs. Mouse. And I was ready.

I grabbed the nearest sturdy object (excluding Rowan from consideration) and marched to the bathroom. Darth Vader's march played in my head and the adrenaline was flowing. I held my broom at the ready and threw open the door. And there he was, crouched down in the middle of the floor. In my mind I screamed, Remember the Alamo! But it was all for nothing. He was already dead. I crept towards him, thinking he may still be alive and attempting to trick me into letting my guard down. I extended the broom and prodded him, expecting that he would latch on to the bristles and attempt to confiscate my weapon. Nope. He just slid on the floor a bit. But what if he's been in this situation before?, I though. What if he has been trained to fake it until I left the room to find a dust pan? So I prodded again. Still no movement. Sure enough, he was dead. I couldn't believe it. I had pumped myself up for this match and I was going to lose my chance, so I commenced mouth to mouth resuscitation. Okay, okay. I didn't do that. But despite the thrill of victory, I felt cheated. Apparently a mouse trap had smacked him, but he was not stuck in it. By the looks of it, he wandered about three feet and fell dead. Impact-induced cranial hemorrhage. Poor guy never had a chance.

Later in the day, we all returned home as a family and were in the kitchen. Beth and I were getting food for Mikayla and Rowan. We planned on strategically setting out the bait we had previously picked up at Home Depot as the kids ate. We were doing a quick check of our current traps when I noticed a tail stuck out of one in the pantry. You see, we have some circular traps set out that are baited on the inside. Mice are supposed to crawl in, set off the trap and get stuck. I saw this tail and thought, Is the mouse stuck in there, or is he just now peering in? The trap showed on the outside that it had not gone off. I grabbed my trusty broom and nudged the trap. A flicker of the tail. I nudged again and he backed out of the circular piece of junk in a flash and bolted behind some buckets. Here we go, I thought. Time to destroy you little fella. Beth stood next to the door, anticipating his exit. She was ready for the kill. I slid one of the three buckets away from the others and he darted out from behind the others and out the door where we stood. He ran the opposite way from Beth and stealthily dodged two swings of my Libman. He squeezed between the dishwasher and the kitchen cupboards, out of sight but not out of mind.

I think you can guess where we dropped the first cube of mouse poison. Yep, right in the little crevice between the dishwasher and cupboards. We continued to drop these landmines in various areas around the house, away from the reach of children and directly in the path of the enemy. This involved going up into the attic which, to be quite honest, we had never approached before. We finished baiting the house and felt a huge sense of accomplishment. We have officially declared war on the mouse (or mice).

To finish off, we had just out the kids to bed and were preparing for bed ourselves when we heard a tiny noise in out room. I looked around. Nothing. But you know how it is when you hear a little noise and you know that something very well could be there. Every 10 seconds or so I glanced over in the direction of the noise we heard. Nothing. 10 seconds, turn and look. Nothing. 10 seconds, turn and look, nothing. 10 seconds, turn and look. Something...right next to another circular trap. There he was. Well, I say he in hopes that it is the same mouse that we had seen in the kitchen. Anyways, I quietly called for Beth's attention as she was reading your blog. "Beth. Beth. Beth, he's here. In our room. He’s right next to the trap." She hadn't looked over yet, so I turned and said, "Look." In the time it took to do that and turn my head back, he was gone. Did he go in the trap? Did he run for cover under the desk? Did he head out of our room? No, it didn’t take that long to turn and say "look". He had to be in the trap.

Beth and I discussed quietly how to approach the situation. Then, a stroke of genius. "Beth, let's lay sticky traps on either side of the trap. If he is in there and runs out then we'll get him." Beth wasn't sure if he was even in the trap, but she agreed to the plan. She grabbed two glue traps and ever-so-carefully placed them on either side of the trap. Work of a professional I tell you. She didn't even flinch, knowing full well that the scum we were after could pounce at a moment's notice. As she backed away from the trap, there was a jerk and the glue traps pulled tight to the circular trap. Did we get him? Did we get him? I can't see him. Maybe he is stuck in the disk and the sticky traps are holding him in. I once again called on Libman to do the prodding. For as much as I poked, there were was only one more movement. The top of the circular trap spun to a new setting, which now read "Not set". In other words, "Trap empty". "You've been had". "You lose". Well, maybe for now.

Enemy Casualties Today: 1 mouse
Our Casualties Today: 1 circular trap and 2 glue traps (could not be salvaged after misfire)
Forecast For Tomorrow: Mid 50's, partly cloudy, chance of death.